I Still Love You

The following are excerpts from something I wrote more than 4 years ago, I think. I've posted bits and pieces of it to my other sites and I've gm'ed it to almost everyone in my contacts over the years. But I never really had the heart to post the entire thing. I know I said before that I'd post the entire thing when I've finally moved on or just have the courage to do it. But I don't think I'd be able to post it ever. Not that I haven't moved on yet. It's because, first of all, I can't find the whole piece. Haha! I don't have it in my files anymore and I think I've given the only hard copy I got to my best friend to burn. LOL. Secondly, I wrote this during a time that I was so broken hearted and I've mentioned someone else (besides "him") and said some things that wasn't very nice. She is a very good friend and I feel foolish for saying those things about her and I'm kinda hoping that she'll never know I ever thought of her that way. Hehe! We've all moved on and it's useless to dig up those issues. Now, really, it comes down to not having the courage to post it. Haha. So again, here are those bits and pieces. Eto yung mga pinakamadramang part. :)

I still love you. But I learned to live with the fact that you and I can never be together. You seem happy to be with her and I am happy for you. I am starting to live a life without much of you.

I’m still your friend. I’m supposed to wish you all the good things. But I am also in love with you.

I still love you. But I was afraid to see you again. I was scared to admit that I still love you, even to myself.

I was scared that I’ll love you even more.

Yes, I was laughing my heart out that day and who would have known that you could do that while you felt like your heart is being ripped apart?

It was the longest five hours of my entire life..

..I never knew that sitting in a room with the two of you could be so emotionally tiring.

I still love you. Though it kills me, I still love you.

Knowing that you are in love with her hurts, seeing how much is another story.

I was not hurt by you. I was the one who inflicted pain upon me.

I still love you. But you cannot love me beyond what our friendship offers.

After reading this again, I feel a little sad not being able to tell him these things. Wish I had the guts to. Funny how I can still clearly remember how I felt that day. :)